The Lord made me a passionate person. Period. When I get into something, I GET INTO IT. Big time. Like, I can remember every male celebrity obsession I had since I was 5 years old (yes, I had a celebrity obsession at 5 years old. It was Bob from Sesame Street). I moved on to Henry Winkler (Fonzie!!!), and Robin Williams (Mork!!!) and then on to John Schneider from the Dukes of Hazzard, then Ted Danson from Cheers (I was in 4th grade. It still seems wrong), then Jack Wagner and then Michael J. Fox and Kirk Cameron and Michael Hutchence from INXS until I finally settled on Jim Morrison. That lasted all of high school and a little bit after. And who am I kidding, just a teensy eensy bit now, too. I still get into my Doors moods when I just think they are the bee’s knees.
God made me this way so I would eventually figure out that my passion needed to be on HIM. Not some bloated dead rock star or a goofy teen idol. I have always loved to write…I’ve wanted to be a writer since 1st grade when I wrote that as the first sentence in the first journal I ever started keeping: “I want to be a writer. I want to be as famous as Shakespeare.” Bold aspirations for a 6-year old.
So, my fresh passion is this: I want to write about God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit and crazy things about my life and my walk in faith and what I think about things and how I do things. I want to keep doing this blog as long as it takes to refine my writing, my style, my voice, until I get to a place where I figure out how I’m supposed to continue with this thing. This is my passion. Okay, let me rephrase that: God is my passion. I want my gifts to be used for Him. My gifts include my husband and children, extended family, friends, church family, and my writing. I enjoy doing many other things, but nothing else can really reach others like this. Sometimes when I speak one-on-one to people, I insert a lot of “dudes” and “mans” and “knowwhatimeans” into the conversation. This is somehow easier for me.
I want people to know the God I know, see the Jesus I see, feel the Holy Spirit I feel. It has transformed my life and I want to share it with others. This comes naturally through writing. So you might see a lot of posts this week.
One thing I wrote in my journal yesterday:
“I must let go of some worldy things that constantly tempt me. I want to stand WITH God, not oppose Him! He is so good to me, and I have seemed to lose my obedient spirit this week. Where did it go?! Is this normal, to face more opposition the closer we get to Him?”
And then I wrote, “YES!!!!”
I also wrote that is is pointless to navigate through this life obediently without Him RIGHT THERE WITH ME.
I like that. It’s true, too. I am learning that I am really, REALLY hard on myself when I mess up (I always have been this way). And I don’t have to be. I don’t get any special extra points in heaven if I dwell on my mistakes for a week. We ALL fall, and we all have our different things that bring us down. I need to remember to repent, reset, and MOVE ON. MOVE IT ALONG, PEOPLE…NOTHING TO SEE HERE. God forgives us in that moment of repentance (that is, really truly intending with all your heart to follow Him and not repeat that transgression). Jesus suffered in ways we cannot imagine so that we can have that. Our suffering in comparison to that is like…well, I can’t even go there right now. That’s for another time.
God uses our experiences to equip us for our calling. This usually means “bad” experiences. Tough experiences. I’ve got a lot of those. Let me stew on that and write about it soon…