The last item in Chapter 3 of “What Happens When Women Say Yes To God” says the following:
“Lastly, journal your thoughts below about this statement: ‘Soon, saying yes to God will no longer be a discipline of your heart but rather the delight of your life.'”
I was always a fan of steam-of-consciousness writing. Here goes:
I had a total Yes To God moment a few minutes ago…I know this might be weird, but sometimes I like to do online shopping and fill up my cart with a new outfit or whatever and then I just delete it. I am also in the middle of finally trying to seriously lose some of the baby weight (it’s so hard because my body is just so different after having twins…my belly! MY. BELLY. Oh, my belly. It’s the bane of my existence. Actually, pantry moths are the bane of my existence. Next, it’s my belly). I decided that I was going to try to go down one jeans size by October 22. That is TOTALLY doable if I just actually try. I have NO JEANS. NONE. Well, that’s not true. I have lots of jeans. But none of them fit. So, I opened up my Gap app and guess what? ALL SALE ITEMS ARE 50% OFF TODAY. WHATWHAT!!!!!! I filled up that cart with smart items that I totally need. A pair of jeans in my current size. 2 t-shirts and a pair of socks. I had to get over $50 so I would get free shipping. Then I used my 50% off code and PEOPLE – I had a pair of jeans, 2 cute classic Gap t-shirts (one grey, one white) and a pair of argyle socks for $36 with FREE SHIPPING. WHATWHATWHAT?!?!?!?! I KNOW. I almost – ALMOST – bought the stuff.
And then God spoke to me.
I was all like, “God. Seriously. I know I’ve been praying for you to speak to me literally every single day for the past two weeks, but I didn’t mean when there was a killer Gap sale. I have to look cute, right?! How am I supposed to get through the first part of fall without jeans that fit??? I realize that I am a stay-at-home mom and the only places I regularly go are church (and you don’t care if I’m wearing ill-fitting jeans) and Bible study (same thing) and storytime at the library (I assume Miss Corinne doesn’t care about my jeans either) and my mom’s house (and I KNOW she doesn’t care about my jeans). SIGH. Yes, I know we are financially strapped, like, all the time. Which is the sacrifice I promised to make in exchange for the AMAZING and BEAUTIFUL experience of staying home with my kids. And didn’t I just blog about self-control the other day??? Sigh.
Fine, fine. I’ll delete my cart.
Oh look, here’s a cute Gap khaki skirt I bought a million years ago in this pile of clothes that I never wear that I was going through so I could pack some stuff away and is the magical next size down I want to be by October 22. I’m gonna put it on to see how tight it is and continue the pity party I want to have for myself because life is sooooooooo harddddddd…
Oh. It fits. Huh. I need to wear a big shirt to cover this twin skin, but IT TOTALLY FITS.
Thanks, God. Now I won’t have to have an awkward convo with my husband when that Gap bill comes. Because now it’s not coming because I have plenty and I don’t. Need. Any. More. STUFF. I have plenty of stuff. And now I’m still on track to lose a few pounds to fit into those jeans that are draped over my great-grandmother’s dresser as a reminder to not put a zillion teaspoons of sugar in my coffee and not to bake anything until October 22.
God, I know this was a totally inconsequential event, but it felt really good to say yes to You. And maybe it’s not so inconsequential…my husband trusts me to not spend money unnecessarily. Even $36. I asked You for help in that area, and also in the realm of my health. That purchase (no matter what a crazy awesome killer bargain it was and no matter how cute I would have looked in my new outfit on the first day of BSF in a few weeks), I would not have been saying yes to You if I did it. So thank you. And thank you for making that skirt fit. I love you and you are so awesome and you just take care of me always…through really big stuff and through little stuff like that cute distressed boyfriend-fit 1969 Gap jeans. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”